Courage

courage

This is Nick’s band. This morning I felt compelled to take it out of the box I have of his personal items. I usually just look at everything, but today I needed to wear it. Nick wore this band through his entire journey with cancer, and I feel his energy like a cozy blanket.

I think I needed to wear it because no matter where we are in life, it takes courage to live life as we wish. Situations and crises hit us when we least expect it, and when we are forced to change direction, our belief in ourselves can falter.

It takes courage to do so much:

…to express your truth even if others may condemn you for it.

…to leave the world you’ve always known to walk into a new life of cancer treatment.

…to care for those struggling through any type of illness–mental or physical.

…to redefine who you are in the face of tragedy and loss. It can be a physical part of you lost through surgery or chemo. It can be family and friends who can’t understand what you are going through. It can be anything you may not be able to do right now.

…to move forward without the one you love, whether it’s your child, partner, family member, or friend.

…to reach out and ask for help, when you no longer know how to help yourself.

I think Nick was sending me a message today that he wanted to share with everyone battling cancer or any illness that has turned their life upside down.

Be courageous. And when you feel your bravery slipping, surround yourself with those who will hold you up until you can stand on your feet again.

Revel in the power of love and the knowledge that miracles happen every day. Some of those miracles are our beautiful children who chose us to be their parents and guide us in the most mysterious ways.

 

Happy 5th Birthday, Chase!

chasefinal

Chasing away Leukemia. That is what Chase has been doing since he was a one month old baby. His mom had brought Chase in for his shots and the doctor didn’t think Chase looked right. They did an ultrasound and his liver and spleen were 3x their size.

It took 15 times to draw blood because his blood was a big clot. Finally, his parents found out that he was 98% filled with cancer blasts and his white cell count was 1.8 million. The doctors had never seen that high of a number in an adult! The doctors didn’t feel that Chase was going to live. An emergency christening was performed and that night his mom held her baby tight. She woke up to him screaming and that was when she knew they were in for a fight.

Chase’s family went from Syracuse to Albany to be close to The Melodies Center that would treat him. They stayed at the Ronald McDonald House in Albany, which has been like a second home to them through the years.

Chase has endured mouth sores, fevers, infections, and illnesses. He had chronic C-diff. He couldn’t tell his parents what was wrong. He just cried and cried. They had to permanently move to Albany. Two years later Chase ended his treatment. The family could finally get a chance to lead a normal or at least simpler life. 6 months later as his mom tried to go back to work, Chase went to the doctor for anemia, which in itself wouldn’t be big deal. For a child who has had cancer, turned out it was. Chase’s cancer was back.

This time he had to have a bone marrow transplant. Chase knew what was going on and in his mind his parents were putting him through this. He didn’t understand why. The hardest part about being a parent to a child with cancer is knowing that they will have pain and further sickness to heal. You have to sit back and watch. It’s only natural for a child to take it out on their parents because of unconditional love, but that doesn’t make it any easier to take.

This family has been separated, transplanted from place to place, Chase has suffered so much dealing with horrific side effects such as Graft vs. Host disease. Everyone suffers with him, because it’s so much to bear and witness. I can’t imagine the emotional rollercoaster that the whole family has gone through over and over again.

I have seen cancer tear families apart. It has broken marriages. It has ended lives. But Chase’s family stands strong amidst the rubble and battle. No it has not been easy, but they have done everything needed to be done in order to do the best for their little boy. That may not have been what has been best for everyone else, but they did it because that is what family does for each other, no matter what.

The community’s emotional support has also been outstandingly positive. Everyone who  helps this family, shows up big time. It doesn’t matter what it is. The need to ease this family’s pain and show Chase and his siblings that the world can be a great place is strong.

Chase proves this every day. Today is his birthday. He has shown that with persistence, prayer, lots of love, and amazing medicine, he is a miracle. He is a beautiful and courageous boy who is here to make an even bigger impact on this world than he already has. Happy Birthday, Chase! May you have tons upon tons of more happy days!