The heart of a grieving parent is never healed. We don’t know how we can live with such a tragedy until we are in it. So often we exist in a state of wishing to be happy and drowning in sorrow because of our loss.
Today marked one year since a beautiful and courageous young man lost his life to cancer. Justin’s mom is feeling the pain I felt nine years ago on Nick’s one year angelversary. We can’t take the pain away, but can only let her feel our love and comfort. Everyone grieves differently, but a parent’s grief is soul deep.
It was appropriate that today I shared my book about Nick’s journey at my book signing. Even as I feel gratitude for everyone who came and spoke with me, I feel sad, because my number one fan isn’t right here with me.
When I started Shimmer’s Eggs, it was a creative memoir about my boys’ lives. After Nick passed, writing this book was a cathartic journey for me to understand what it meant to no longer have Nick. Losing him changed the ending, and I would never have written the same book if he had lived.
I know this book helps others. It’s difficult to feel joy when there is so much pain. But as Justin’s mom wrote today, she has much to do and knows her son waits for her. Her words helped me tremendously today, even as she is hurting.
As much as I miss my boy, I also have much to do. I have hope and love to share. I know that whatever choices I make, and however I choose to help people, Nick would approve, because it comes from my heart.
Thank you to everyone who holds me up and supports my mission and message. It keeps Nick’s spirit alive just as Justin’s amazing mother shares his beautiful spirit. They both are missed today and always.