My oldest son, Nick, was born after two years of trying to get pregnant and 12 hours of back-breaking natural labor on October 7, 1995. From the moment Nick was born, he was enthusiastic, warm, happy, and had a light that burned so brightly in him. His sense of humor was over the top and he was very outgoing.
Nick started swimming competitively at age 9. In January of 2008, I noticed his fatigue, but pushed it off. In June 2008, he struggled with ear infections, which wasn’t anything new, but this time a rash occurred from antibiotics or so we thought. On July 4, 2008, my healthy, exuberant son was diagnosed with T-cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. He didn’t go into remission after the first month, which started a path of the toughest chemo that ruined his body inside and out. He struggled with allergic reactions, infections, fatigue, vomiting, had to have his appendix removed and part of his colon. Everything that could have gone wrong did.
He spent most of September in the hospital in pain and all I could do was hold my baby and try to ease his pain. He turned 13 on October 7, 2008, he went into remission on October 18 and planned to get a bone marrow transplant. My birthday was on October 19, his little brother Stephen turned 11 on October 21. On October 26, 2008, Nick passed away suddenly from a spontaneous brain hemorrhage from the chemotherapy. October is a tough month for our family.
My heart cracks a bit more at this time every year. I try not to relive what my son went through, but it’s hard. Instead I think about all that Nick has done. By taking the path that he did whether or not he or his soul chose it, veered us toward a much different path than we had thought when we first had children. You don’t think you will be burying one. If Nick never had cancer, we would not have started Nick’s Fight to be Healed. Our services may not have occurred. It amazes me what Nick’s life and passing has brought to this world.
It’s a hard path. It’s sad, heartbreaking and relentless. But just when I think I’m done, that I can’t go through another day, Nick shows me someone who needs my help; he sends a light to ease my darkness. These contrasts of good and bad, dark and light, life and death. This is what living is all about. And every day he and all the other children who battle prove to me that no matter how full of despair I feel, there is always hope.
Read these stories that will be shared every day during Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Think of our children fighting for their lives and act. Whether it’s liking or sharing a photo or post, pasting our logo that raises awareness onto your social media, sending a note or care package to a child with cancer, making a donation at http://www.fighttobehealed.org or volunteering. Do something every day in September, because each time you do, you are the one spreading hope.