Last night I dreamt of Nick. In my dream, he was around 6 years old. As I videotaped him, he stood at the top of a dirt packed hill and opened a black umbrella. As he placed the top of the umbrella on the ground, he jumped on and slid all the way down the hill laughing. At the bottom of the hill, he smiled at the camera. All I felt was happiness and gratitude that my son blessed me not only with a visit, but with his world-class smile.
I think sometimes the world forgets that I’m just a Mom who really misses her son. I never do, but it’s hard to sit back and take the time to be with my child in the way I want. I am busy with and excited about my other son who is at a major chapter of his life–going from a senior in high school to a college student in just a few months. There is the huge responsibility of the wonderful foundation I run that makes a difference in so many children’s lives. There is every day life and it’s only when I take the time to sit and breathe and be with Nick, that I can feel the depth of my emotions. These are the times when I miss him so much, I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.
And yet so many depend on what I do, what this foundation does, and it’s hard to support everyone in the way that I want. So just know that if I’m not able to be there at a particular moment, if I don’t seem as strong as you may need me to be or if I can’t be positive today, please understand. I’m doing the best that I can and I miss Nick.