Missing you, Nick

Nick and Stephen Thanksgiving 2007

Hey Nick,

It’s been five years today since we lost you.  I don’t really like saying lost, because you prove to me all the time that you are still with us in spirit. So I guess I mean that we don’t have you physically here.  Some days it feels like forever since I have held you and then it can be like yesterday that I held your hand or touched your curly hair.  When I let the emotions loose, it’s really just too painful, so I’m letting it out just a little.  
Five years is nothing in the span of a lifetime and all I think about having a lifetime without you.  
Today I went with Stephen and the teens from Nick’s Round Table to the Autumnfest Halloween party at the Hope Club in Latham.  It’s sponsored through the American Cancer Society and it supports children and families battling cancer.  There’s a ton of activities like a haunted house, games, and bouncy bounce.  Our teens painted faces and baked tons of treats for the kids.  A gentlemen on the board of directors for ACS said that it was wonderful that teens help teens and he saw our logo “Teens Helping Teens Fight Cancer.” He introduced himself to me and I introduced him to Stephen.  As he introduced us to other people all I had to say was ‘Nick’ and they knew the organization. They knew what we have done for other kids fighting cancer. You are a very popular young man!

Emily Patchell finishing a fairy wand face paint.

Dante Cilento, Liam O’Brien and Emily Patchell face painting

Erin Maloney and Katie Collins helping hand out treats and eat them!
I was really quite amazed and impressed because Stephen and all the young adults who have dedicated themselves to this cause are the ones who have made the biggest difference and people know your name because of their impact.  So you not only live on in spirit, but you live on in all these kids’ hearts, in every family whose stress about paying bills has been alleviated because we helped them, and as another child is healed because of the love and comfort they receive.
Sammie Sagnelli doing her signature cat face painting.
Stephen Cammarata and Erin Maloney refilling drinks for over 300 people at the Autumnfest.
Stephen was interviewed today by a reporter from The Troy Record.  Yes, your little brother is speaking out in your name and leading the way for others.  The reporter asked him how it felt to be helping others on the day of his brother’s anniversary?  Stephen said that it makes him feel good to give families a break for a little while, so the kids aren’t worrying about their next treatment.  Well said and it helps him heal and get through.
That’s what your fabulous life has led to– this incredible legacy of teens giving up their Saturday afternoon to help others. Of other teens being empowered to get involved and not give up.
It’s very hard living without you, but we go on because not doing so would disrespect who you are.  This foundation has a life of its own now and so many people and organizations depend on it.  It’s heartwarming and overwhelming to think about it.  
Nick, today and every day we miss you. You are our angel and we love you so much.  
Love you forever, Mom.
Nick and Stephen Spring 2008

4 thoughts on “Missing you, Nick

  1. Thinking of you, especially today… Nick, you and your family rock! Thank you, Nick's Fight to be Healed for all you do!


  2. I sit here today thinking of NIck; I miss his physical presence too! But, while I don't get as many signs as his mom, I do see his signs telling us that he is still here – watching us, with us, often holding our hands. The rainbow he sent on his birthday was amazing!!! Nick did make the world a better place and it's not many people who continue to have that impact after earning their wings. Nick is one of the few who is still making a difference. He would be so proud of you Janine, and Luke, and Stephen….knowing that you have made a huge impact in people's lives and will continue to do so. So proud of all our teens – they do such a fabulous job helping others. Thank you Nick, for your presents and your presence.


  3. It's wonderful that our children can have such an inspiring impact on others. Tyler's wish to have individual rooms at The Children's Hospital at Albany Medical Center is becoming a reality! Our children are beautiful and their legacy is helping others. Doesn't ever replace them, but doing good in their name helps us get through another day.


  4. I am grateful for Nick's gift to us. I wish we could know how precious life is without tragedy, but I always knew Nick's life was very special and when I look back at family videos, I know we lived life fully. What our kids are doing today will have an impact years down the road. Nick will always find a way to make sure you know he's around Colleen!


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