|Nick with me when he was 11 years old. Stephen was the photographer and kept cutting off our heads! Glad he got this one.|
On the one year anniversary of Travyon Martin’s death, I watched his parents talk about missing their child and their continuous fight for justice. His mother, Sybrina Fulton explained that she had one child in Heaven and one on earth and she is trying to do the best for both of them.
It doesn’t matter how your child dies or how old they are when they die, it’s a loss that you can never get over. Losing a child isn’t something to get over like a cold, it’s learning how to live with your child in a different way. Like Sybrina, I have said that I have an earth son and a spirit son and I make sure I spend time with both of them.
I enjoy watching the funny videos that Stephen wants me to watch or listen to the latest song he has downloaded on Itunes. My husband and I travel extensively with him for the soccer team he plays on. We talk about Nick and I show Stephen photos that I have of them growing up. That time with him is precious and I’m blessed to have him in my life.
|My husband and I enjoy watching Stephen play at soccer tournaments.|
Since I don’t have Nick in the ‘physical’ sense, it’s obviously harder to know that I’m connecting with him. The best way I do this is by writing to him. I mainly write about our family, especially his little brother and I ask Nick to keep a special eye out for Stephen. Nick often comes to me in my dreams and he sends messages for me or for his close friends and family. Even his close friends have dreamt of him and I know that helps to ease the sadness of missing him. I keep ‘open’ to signs that Nick may send letting me know that he is all right or close by. Having that faith that he is connected to me helps on the days when the grief storms flood my world.
As Trayvon’s parents fight to find justice for their son’s death by changing laws on gun control and self-defense, Luke and I continue to help other children battle cancer or live a fulfilling life while they are in treatment. Nothing can change the world quicker than a parent who has lost a child and the love parents have for their children is the most powerful motivator. But even if we give our hearts toward the cause that took our children, sometimes justice or healing doesn’t come quick enough and that can tear you apart. But we continue because a parent’s love knows no limits or boundaries.
My wish for Sybrina Fulton and Tracey Martin and every other parent who has lost a child is that you find a way to continue that relationship with your spirit child, enjoy the blessing of the children you may have with you still on earth, and know that even the smallest action on your part is making another child’s life better. May this give you a sense of peace when change is slow and your heart is extra heavy.